Kindness Simplified

It’s sometimes difficult to engage in kind thoughts, gestures or words. On any given day, we are faced with stressors including but not limited to: poor sleep habits, unreasonable schedules, grief, and financial woes. This indeed makes it difficult to access our most patient and mindful adult selves. But in my limited wisdom, I’ve ascertained that kindness yields peace, humility and understanding over time when practiced.

We may often mistake kindness for exchanging niceties which seem to unfold unauthentically and automatically in the presence of people who ultimately do not share our values or have in any way negatively affected our view of them through the lens of which we have developed a relationship. Kindness, simply put for the sake of this blog, is doing no harm.

We may not always feel the urgency to incorporate checking our motives in our daily practice. We are, however, more likely to check our motives with historically challenging relationships that we’ve assessed with ourselves and others (friends, family, and/or professionals) to keep us sane or prevent further emotional damages to ourselves and loved ones. It’s less likely we will check our motives with those who we know in only one environment or area of our lives (work, church, gym, Dungeons and Dragons, PTA, AA, all the As really).

Take something as simple as smiling. This small gesture is kindness exemplified. It doesn’t feel natural, but it does not harm. It is faith in a higher good without much effort. Practice taking it a step further than a smile that could be exchanged with a stranger or your closest loved one, and take the time to recognize or understand someone’s situation despite your relationship with them: it doesn’t mean you offer to pay their mortgage or even take them out to lunch. It means you choose not to make their world more chaotic through unnecessary gossip, unnecessary assumption that their situation is karmic in nature, and you let these people live their lives without exacerbating their pain.

For instance, instead of saying “Hey Jane, you hear about Donna’s car being repoed?” Say “Hey Jane, how’s your dog, Fluffy?” This keeps Donna’s world separate from yours and also grants her the space to deal with her situation without complication contributed by your gossip. It is pretty easy when practiced. I may be a licensed professional, but far greater than my professional self is a human who’s evolving constantly amidst the failures and lessons nestled in the great challenges such as relationships, aging and child rearing. I’ve walked away from conversations many times wishing I hadn’t said things about people. I always feel better when I stay clean in my intentions and interactions.

A good practice to start is asking yourself: Is this necessary? Nothing more; remembering that assertiveness is, in fact, necessary and may cause growth but not harm. You may set yourself up for a great day with the exception of uncontrollable variables such as the weather or a fun virus.